Relationships make the world go around – 3 ways to cultivate and maximize your network.

Why do people make such a big deal when the job they applied for was given to the boss’ friend? – of course his friend got he job, the contract or the recognition. You would have gotten it also if YOU were the boss’ friend. Whether you like it or not – relationships make the world go around. The better your relationships are the faster you will “climb the corporate ladder”, sell your products, or if you’re like me, get contracts to speak or consult. Yet building strong relationships seems like something of the past. We get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and find that e-mails and text messages are easier to send. Whatever happened to the five minute phone call just to see how someone is doing? It is a rare thing these days.
Here are three ways you can start maximizing your network:

1) For Better or Worse- have you ever dealt with someone that crosses people off their list after one mishap? I have, and I used to be one of them. Dealing with people like that is like walking on eggshells. You never feel comfortable enough to say what’s on your mind for fear of being crossed off the list. To build solid relationships, your friends/co-workers need to know that you will be there for them through the good times and the bad times. This will help them develop trust in you so they will be willing to go out on a limb for you when you need it. We all have bad days and get frustrated at times. But, have you noticed that your bond is stronger with people after you have had an argument and worked through it, than with those you haven’t? I was sitting in a Toastmasters training when the District Governor stood up and said “ I appreciate my team for all their hard work. We did not always get along but it was in those times that we grew together and learned from each other”. As profound as that was, one of my girlfriends leaned over to me and whispered “We must grow a lot.” -- we both laughed. Her name is Regina and even though we don’t always see eye to eye we always seem to be there for each other, I know I can count on her – for better or worse.

2)Once a Day – no, not the multi vitamin…once a day be in contact with someone in your network, just to talk about what is going on in their lives. NO text messaging – pick up the phone! There is a something so impersonal about a text message. Can you really share your excitement and everything that has been going on in your life in a text? It always blows my mind when people text me and say: hey hvnt tlkd in a whle hows evrythin? – It makes me wonder if they really care because if they did wouldn’t they have picked up the phone and dedicated some time to really listen? Once a day let someone one know that you were thinking about them and wanted to hear how their day is going. One of the biggest misconceptions is that you must be in constant contact with someone to have meaningful relationship. I have found that is not, I repeat not, true as long as when you do talk, you talk about real issues.

3) No Strings Attached-do things for people in your network that have no immediate benefit to you. After you have spent time listening to what is going on in their life. Show that you really listened by sending them a relevant article or asking about it again at another time. This seems simple but not enough people do it. This shows you care enough to remember them, which also always helps build a meaningful relationship.

Don’t let anyone fool you into believing that relationships are not what make the world go around.

One quick story… I met with an Insurance agent last night; I can almost guarantee has convinced me to make a purchase with him. Here is why. He thought I was pretty smart – smart of him! He also remembered aspects from our very first conversation (2months prior) and he showed a genuine interest in my life plans. Although he was there to sell me something, and he was using good sales techniques, I did like the feeling that I was talking to someone who had my best interest at heart. Not only that, but when I couldn’t get my parking validated, he pulled money out of his pocket to pay – he did not HAVE to do that. Okay, it was a business expense but a really nice gesture! Trust me when I say he is exceptional, I have been to other meetings like this and…yeah, you know my point. Making people feel important goes a long way towards making you important to them!

Start today and build your relationships with people in your network of people and notice how situations change in your life and doors start opening.

Do it this way, but only if you want to – 3 ways to motivate your team

Q. How do I motivate my team?

A. Picture it- Your team can’t wait to meet, they listen to every word you say and when you ask them to do something they – smile and happily accept the responsibility. Better yet, they think on their own, don’t need a lot of supervision and always find ways to enhance the project on hand.

This can be a reality. Many people think that the success of the team rests with the individual talents on the team, but in fact the success of your group lies with you, the leader. Scores of people make serious mistakes, when they assume what motivates them (the leader) will motivate the team. For example, my boss is motivated by money, so he had an ah-ha moment and revised our entire compensation plan, and promising us tons of money, for every sale we make. Sound like a good motivator? – Not so much. Sales are not something that we have control over (the final sale is made in Oklahoma while we are in Virginia). We can not be motivated to work any harder because there is very little we can do to ensure this sale.

So what exactly what is motivation?

President Eisenhower once said “Motivation is the art of getting other people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it.” Motivation is an art, and it takes a lot of practice, you do not become skilled over night so be patient with yourself. As you go on keep in mind that each person is motivated by something slightly different.

Here is some background, some people are motivated by money or good grades (extrinsic reward) others are motivated because something makes them feel good, or they think it is important (intrinsic reward). Herzberg’s two-factor model of motivation shows that money (extrinsic) is motivating for a short period of time, while respect Maslow and McGregor’s theory X and Theory Y show that, empowerment, praise and a sense of belonging (intrinsic) are much more powerful motivators. For a year and a half I worked for the Girl Scouts of America, my job was to motivate volunteers. Now, it is one thing to get people you are paying to be motivated but a totally different thing to motivate people who are working for free. This is where the intrinsic motivators play a very important role. According to, Hezrberg’s model, in the long run no one is motivated by money, so it is your job to find out what motivates the individual intrinsically. It is imperative that every team leader, whether their team is being paid or not, should take the time to discover their team’s individual (intrinsic) motivators.


Here are three ways that you can start motivating your team by discovering intrinsic motivators.

1)Shield them – from all the negativity that surrounds you. It is inevitable that there will be negative people around you. It is your job to make sure that your team members do not associate you with the negativity, and that they know you will defend them to any and everyone. I am a big advocate of candor. Therefore, you must tell the team the truth, if they are not doing a stellar job -- just phrase it properly. Try something like, we are doing really well as a team when we do this, this and that. In order to be a top performing team we need to improve this, this and that. Then, ask them what they think can be done to improve the situation. Brainstorm! You will be surprised how motivated people become when they feel that they have participated in making the decision. Remember, you are part of the team you must also suggest ways to change, but don’t be so stuck on your way, another idea may come up that is better than yours. Set the atmosphere so people feel free to talk and express even the silliest ideas. Make sure that when they enter into a meeting with you it is a positive place, no matter what is going on. Always be ready to listen, but redirect people to what is important, not the politics of the moment. When you shield them you help to fulfill one of Maslow’s basic needs safety (emotional) which allows them to move onto higher levels; and, when you let them participate in making the decision you help them to see the importance in what the team needs to accomplish. On top of that, they feel important because you respect and value their ideas (intrinsic motivation). If your team participates in weekly meetings that have a negative context, see if your team can be excused and you work with them at a later time.
2) What have you done for me lately? – tell and show them that you appreciate them. In groups and in private, create some silly superlatives that people on your team win each week. For example, the person most likely so be seen… and them pick out something silly they did during the week. You can even use this type of thing to, light heartedly draw attention to a behavior that needs to be corrected. The key is never get to the point where in which they can not remember the last time you said thank you for doing so and so. People respond to positive reinforcement better and faster than when they’re being punished or criticized for bad behavior. Be sure to elaborate on what they did well and they will do it again and again. William James said: “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated” I will add to this be noticed doing good. By broadcasting what they did well, to any and everyone, you will fulfill that desire to be appreciated and noticed. Your team will be motivated to improve and keep doing good.
3)Them, Them,Them - Group dynamics are difficult because each individual wants to shine. But your job is to focus on them (each individual) and learn what motivates them. What interests them, is what it is all about! How do you find out what motivates your team members? Talk to them. Ask “What is important to you? Why did you join this group?” They may give you a routine answer at first but in time as you do little things like calling or inviting them out to lunch just to talk, they will reveal an even deeper level of what is significant to them. Then, you have the opportunity to point out how what the team is doing will benefit them. Think about what you need to accomplish and how you will say it so the other person sees how this will benefit to their career or any other motivation. When I was with the Girl Scouts the best way to motivate the volunteers to do something was to remind them of the lives they touched each time they organized a troop meeting. You can not over emphasize the impact they are making with the small everyday tasks.

In conclusion, motivation is ever changing and you have to move with the moment to know how to motivate your team. As you practice you will master this skill of getting others to do what you want them to do, but only because they want to These steps are a start, remember as the leader and you have the power, and the responsibility to motivate your team.

Oh, and one more thing. Always, always respect their time, when they feel your respect towards them, they will respond with respect you for you.


This should help.

Do you need advice to further your career or deal with a difficult situation? Email me at: realbusinessadvice@gmail.com today.

I look forward to hearing from you.